Desperately Seeking Sunshine
I was a nervous wreck in our rental car. There was reason enough for that, with the rearview mirror missing and all the scratches and dents left by unfortunate others. JP was not nearly as uncomfortable as I was.
“It’s a third world country,” he said. “You can’t expect much.”
“You just paid $65 USD a day for this car,” I retorted. “It should have a rearview mirror.”
He reasoned that we didn’t have time to return it before his meeting with the premier, so we left the air bnb for Charleston and I sat in the backseat, fearing for my life.
He’s in the meeting now and I’m at Mojo’s, sipping ice tea and listening to a pop playlist and glowing in the heat. I refuse to come all this way to spend my afternoon in air conditioning, especially when I know it is -10 Celsius at home.
Yesterday, watching the sunset paint pink across the ocean sky, I held up my Tapo feed to see the waving snowbanks of home and relished the contrast. JP has excellent research instincts and I’m grateful to accompany him around the world as he chases his dream. Of course, my dreams are still in me somewhere, waiting for the perfect time to spring forth. I just hope it’s soon.
The deadline for me to resign is March 31st and I’m thinking about it. Of course, I think I will, if forced to decide, but I just keep hoping to delay. This indecisiveness is my fatal flaw. I should just leap and try to fly or flop and pick up whatever pieces remain.
Unlike JP, my path has never been straightforward. I’m a wanderer.
We met Sunshine last night. JP recognized him right away. He was sitting at the entrance to the bar, chatting with another man. We were gazing at the pictures of him with celebrities posted there. A young Justin Trudeau smiled out at us. Once seated, JP asked the waiter if Sunshine would mind signing his biography for him and then dashed off, leaving me sweating in the late afternoon sun.
“He thinks it’s a generational thing,” JP explained when he returned.
He was talking about the secessionist movement he’s come here to investigate. That’s JP’s expertise. He travels the world analyzing these types of cleavages. I come along when I’m able, spending a lot of time in parks and cafes, trying to find my way.
I’m not complaining, I just have to manage my expectations.
“The secret to happiness is low expectations,” JP once said to me, but he was joking.
He’s right though. That’s the truth I’ve come to. I live moment to moment these days, letting my daughter come and go like every good nineteen-year-old should, taking only the teaching jobs I’m drawn to, writing what and when I feel ready, peacefully cuddling the cat, and letting my parents’ hopes for my future rest with them in the great thereafter.
Sunshine is a state of mind after all, although it is a lot easier to induce when you are surrounded by beauty and glow.